Sally Love
Forgive & Forget?
Personally, I hate the word ‘forgiveness’ as it implies that someone has done something wrong, that it was all their fault, that no one else has played a part and that all the ‘blame’ has been left at someone’s feet.
TO FORGIVE can imply that the person pointing the finger of blame is faultless – such a gracious and selfless person. This can lead to that person failing to take any personal responsibility as they feel above it all, that it was all that other person’s fault and nothing to do with them whatsoever. (Interesting I use the word ‘selfless’ there: self-less – someone not aware of themselves!).
TO FORGET without reaching any understanding, without acknowledging your part or your lessons can simply brush these issues under the carpet … which we all know will just come around again if not dealt with!
I could write a book on forgiveness, so condensing it into a paragraph here is a challenge! To put it succinctly, even if you can’t see what you have done to deserve a particular action against you, there’s always some lesson to uncover. The lessons are very individual and unique to you, your experience and soul’s journey. For example, if your partner has been unfaithful to you, you may need to learn self respect or the art of communication in a relationship; you may have been looking for a way out of the relationship for a while and you have therefore SUBCONSCIOUSLY created this situation or it could remind you of how much you do love that person after the relationship has been stale for a long time. It is a challenge to take personal responsibility and to see the bigger picture, but that is where I come in to help!
So what about forgetting? I’m sure you have been in a situation with a friend, family member or partner where one or other of you has thrown the past ‘mistakes’ back into the other’s face? This is a perfect example of where one or both of you haven’t forgiven or forgotten. Bringing up the past like this as ammunition in a NEW disagreement surely shows that those old issues haven’t been dealt with. What does this do to your relationship? We talk about the power of thought a lot on the show – what you think you create. Therefore if you are waiting for someone to make the same mistake again, if you are full of fear that it will happen again, if you keep hold of all the difficult emotions and refuse to let them go (or don’t know how to let them go), what are you manifesting into the relationship? You are certainly loading that relationship with extra heavy baggage full of unresolved emotions that both of you will feel. If one or both of you are carrying that extra baggage with you, then lessons still need to be learnt … and so the same things will happen again.
So, how do you forgive and truly forget? Can it be possible?
I choose to use the words ‘understand and release’ instead.
We can’t erase our memories but what I help people to achieve however is to learn how to take personal responsibility, to understand the bigger picture and what our soul lessons are. Then you can instantly clear the negative associations with those memories and release the difficult emotions & thoughts we can hold onto. Only then can we look back with neutrality and actually acknowledge the positive things we have learnt from the experience. Only we as individuals, by taking personal responsibility, have the power to turn something malignant into something benign.
www.sallylove.co.uk
Katie Keeley